You are never wrong

I've been pondering on this alot over the last few months. All the ways in which we make ourselves wrong (I am using the collective WE here as I don't think I am alone in this??!)

This can range from the seemingly innocuous ways e.g "I shouldn't have eaten 2 of those biscuits!" (I say innocuous but is it really?) to the much more damming ways e.g "There is something fundamentally wrong with me"

I have realised that much of healing and coming to more of a place of peace is actually about uncovering the ways in which I have made myself 'wrong' over the years and relearning that I never was, am not and never will be 'wrong'. I am just me. A complicated, kind, anxious, distressingly menopausal, wonky brained, funny, post cancer, complex PTSDd, loving and resilient woman who is just trying her best. As are you! We are all just doing our best!

There is no wrong (unless you are a psychopath or a world leader which seems to go hand in hand ha ha). You are not wrong, you are perfect just as you are.

And who can blame us for thinking that we should be different in some way? Thinner, fitter, calmer, happier, less old looking, more interesting, living my best life, being the best version of myself etc etc blah blah. We are constantly being told all the ways we can improve and we have 'should' lists as long as our (obviously tanned, toned and strong) arms!

The amazing writer and Yoga teacher Jen Pastiloff says "Should is an Asshole" and I wholeheartedly agree.

Here is a list of 'shoulds' that I currently have swirling around my head - NOTE this is not a complete list and it was written a few weeks ago on holiday and may have changed since then....

I should be out and not staying in and hiding in my caravan as I am on holiday and I should be living my best life.
I should not have insane anxiety and weird anxious thoughts as I am Yoga teacher and therefore should be utterly Zen at all times.
I should be able to heal myself completely even in the midst of a very sudden and rather excruciating menopause situation.
I should be less sensitive and more able to deal with things.
I should have more purpose and earn more money.
I should have less saggy skin.
I should want to spend every single second with my son as he's only young once and it's precious.
I shouldn't have to rely on anyone.
Also, I shouldn't isolate and take myself off when I need space.
I should have better boundaries and always speak up and say my truth.
arrrghhhhh! Ok, I am exhausted from just writing this madness. If I wasn't I think I could continue ad infinitum.

So what if we just said f*ck the 'shoulds' and allowed ourselves to just be who we are? Imagine how liberating that would be?

The self-help and wellness industry is currently worth around £60 BILLION!! There is an overwhelming and totally confusing amount of information out there telling us how and who to be - to be the 'best version of ourself' PUKE! How about we just be the slightly mediocre but no less version?

I realise that I am a teeny weeny part of the wellness industry but I truly believe and hope that the Yoga and somatic coaching I do helps to cut through the noise and outside influences to guide us back to the real and fundamental truth - that we are perfect just as we are.

Capitalism doesn't do well out of people who know they are perfect just as they are, so let's all be our most rebellious selves and choose to know this. You don't need to make yourself wrong about anything.

So I now aspire to become one of those people who just ooze self-knowing, who just are who they are without shame or apology. I will aspire to that AND I won't make myself wrong when I fail again - just keeping on the journey back towards myself.